Category: life

crocuses

When I was the Director of the Biology Computer Resource Center, Spring Break was just a chance to get caught up with software and hardware updates. Since then, I’ve used it to accomplish significant bits of writing. This year, however, I really needed the break. And I took full advantage.

I used my time for self-care. I slept a lot. I got in a lot of walking. I hung out a friend on the patio. It took some time, but I finally started to feel like myself again.

For the first time since December, I felt like I could write some fiction. I wrote a short story, A Persistent Curse, and submitted it for publication.

With his paws on the back of the sofa, Makul poked his nose through the curtains and looked out. A misty drizzle was falling — it always rained when the curse was bad. The raindrops passed through an assemblage of shadowy spirits clustered just outside the window trying to get in. 

Makul waited, watching, until she came around the corner: a short, wizened crone with a dowager’s hump who shuffled along with a stick to hold her up. She gathered her black shawl around her shoulders as she hobbled around the corner and into the shade from the lone cloud that hovered over the apartment building. Her mouth made a hard line when she looked at the building and saw the swarm of spirits jostling around the first-floor apartment of her grandson.

“Tiom da fantomoj!” she muttered. “The curse is bad this morning.”

It was rejected. But at least I feel like I have some creative energy again. It was a long dry spell.

I’m still getting some extra Tanuki time. But little by little, things are returning to baseline.

I remind myself that it’s my last Spring Break. This is my last semester as an active faculty member. I’m trying to be particularly cognizant of the milestones and rhythm of academic life as I experience them for the last time.

In any event, today is the last day. Tomorrow, the students come back and on Tuesday I’ll start teaching again. I have a fair amount of grading I’ve been putting off — and my regular service commitments this week: Faculty Senate and Rules Committee.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends!

close up picture of boxer dog

I have gotten essentially no fiction writing accomplished during this Intersession. My university contract says most of January is a period of non-responsibility so each year I can usually get a lot of writing done in those weeks. But this year, my mentally ill adult son was hospitalized for the first time in four years.

I’m not going to write about his mental illness diagnosis or experience. As my wife would say, that’s not my story to tell. But the impact it’s had on our family does feel like my story to tell. And I think it’s important to share, because many people shy away from talking about mental illness in our society because they’re ashamed. The demands his chronic illness put on our family may be less visible, but they are very real.

For the past two years, he’s lived independently, though fortunately close enough that either my wife or I can visit daily. We had expressed growing concerns and uneasiness for several days before he was hospitalized and tried to provide nearly round-the-clock support. I stayed with him during the day and she stayed with him in the evening, including hanging out on his couch one night. But, in the end, after about three days, he still needed to be hospitalized.

This is the fourth time he’s needed hospitalization over the past seven years, but this is the first since he began living independently with his emotional support animal. While he is hospitalized, care for her has fallen to my wife and me — in addition to following his care, ensuring all of his professional supports are coordinated and, of course, one of us going to daily visiting hours to see how he’s doing and (struggle to) stay connected.

For me, taking care of his young dog is a genuine pleasure. She’s a little weird, but boxer dogs are always a little weird. On the one hand, boxer dogs are so similar to one another, they might as well be clones. But, on the other, they all have unique idiosyncrasies. She is adorable, and I love her to pieces.

That said, it’s been hard. Trying to keep track of another set of needs is almost more than I can handle now. Despite masking everywhere, my wife has a bad cold that’s interfering with her job. It’s been rough.

I was really disappointed for myself and other panelists that I felt compelled to withdraw from Arisia. I had been scheduled to moderate one panel and appear on four others.

Still, I have managed to accomplish a few things. I submitted my application for the Lambda Literary Writers Retreat. My article about bookselling, How to Hand-Sell Books for Fun and Profit, appeared at Planetside. I’m scheduled to read from A Familiar Problem for the Straw Dog Author Showcase on January 31. And I got my university course website published on schedule, one week before the start of classes for Spring 2026.

Yesterday, due to the massive winter storm, I could not safely attend visiting hours, so I used the time to install FreshRSS and take a nap. I also managed to write a story fragment for @wss366. I’ve only managed about half the days since this all started.

Every day of hospitalization is a trial in multiple ways. The dog — and all of us — want my son to be ready to come home. We’re doing the best we can for the moment, making sure she gets lots of love and walks and treats. But it’s hard for her and hard for us. And still will be for weeks after he does return to his place, as he recovers. She is ready to do her part doing what she does best, providing unqualified emotional support. She is ready.

sand dollar

Writing is easy. Getting published is hard. Getting published again is harder. But it’s sure easy to get discouraged.

During the 2025 Nebula Conference, I attended a workshop by Becca Syme of Better Faster Academy about career longevity among writers. Up front, she delivered the startling statistic that 80% of writers give up within three years. Her presentation focused on helping people set more realistic expectations and persist in the face of adversity. (Note: Her presentation, The Longevity Blueprint: Building A Career That Lasts, was really excellent and is still available to watch, but only for Nebula or Quasar attendees — or SFWA members. Note: you can still join SFWA or register for the upcoming Nebulas to gain access.)

The worst thing about publishing is that it’s stochastic. Outcomes are largely decoupled from inputs. You can do everything right and still not get published. Until you recognize that and internalize it, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Getting rejected really only means that this editor didn’t need this manuscript this time.

Still, I’m reminded of the Stupidity Demotivator: Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

The real question, I suppose, depends on what one means by “winning”…

Many, many years ago my brother and I discussed career paths. His approach was to work at a job he hated, but which paid well, with the goal of saving enough to be able to retire early so he could do whatever he wanted. He retired around age 50 and has been “doing whatever he wants” for more than 15 years now. By contrast, my approach was “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I found a career that was meaningful and satisfying and, although it was a lot of work (I aimed for 50-55 hours per week), it was work I generally enjoyed and found rewarding.

For me, my authorship is the same. I don’t write aiming to make a lot of money. I do it because I find it satisfying. I love to write. It makes me happy.

I’m sad, however, when I think of all the people who’ve crashed out. Who came to the party with high expectations and ended up going home alone. I wonder where you’ve gone and what it might take to get you to come back.

As I move toward full retirement, I’m devoting an increasing amount of my effort to trying to build sustainable communities to support writers. Straw Dog Writes, Wandering Shop Stories, and my work for SFWA all fall under this category. But they only address one side of the equation.

The money is harder. Economic forces are squeezing the publishing industry — and writers even more. Sociocultural shifts have resulted in fewer people buying and reading magazines and books. And now, Generative AI is flooding the marketplace with slop, making it that much harder for a new author to get discovered among the noise.

I remember Elizabeth Bear commenting that writers aren’t competing with one another: writers are all competing with the six-pack of beer at the party store for a purchaser’s dollar. I liked that way of looking at it. One of my goals for the coming year is to spend less money on beer and more buying books and then writing about them. Look for that here in the coming year. I hope you’ll still be here.

the morning sky on the solstice shortly before sunrise

When I awoke before dawn on the solstice, I checked the weather (there is a weather station at the Computer Science building, about a quarter mile from my house). The temperature was already above 39°F and I thought, “Ya, know. I could get up, have a leisurely cup of coffee, and still go to watch the sunrise at the UMass Sunwheel.

Both my brother and I have always been intrigued by sun-aligned structures. I still recall getting up very early to drive from St. Louis to the Cahokia mounds to watch the 1991 winter solstice sunrise with him and his wife. I have previously visited a number of indigenous sun-aligned constructions when I was a young man. Serpent Mound in Ohio appears to have sun-aligned components. When my wife and I were in Mesa Verde, we visited the Sun Temple. And many others over the years.

The Sunwheel project had started in 1992-93, and was just getting sited when I arrived at UMass in 1996. I remember I took my young children to one of the solstice sunrise presentations there. But I hadn’t been to a sunrise for a long time.

a crowd of people attending a presentation about the winter solstice at the UMass sunwheel
A Crowd Listens Attentively
Retired Professor Steve Schnieder describes the axial tilt of the earth to explain the apparent changes in position of sunrise during the seasons
Steve Schnieder Explains the Seasons

I arrived a few minutes before sunrise and joined a crowd of forty or fifty people who had come to watch the sunrise. I was pleased to see a colleague I knew from way back was there to do the presentation. He did a fantastic job of explaining how the axial tilt of the earth produces the change in apparent movement of the sun across the sky. And, combined with the elliptical orbit of the earth, results in the changes in times of sunrise and sunset around the solstice. As he joked, he wishes people a happy solstice and perihelion during the season. He introduced the Sunwheel and told us a bit about it’s history. He pointed out other standing stones that showed moonrise and moonset. For extra credit, he also explained how the precession of the orbit of the moon results in changes in where the moon rises and sets relative to the sun. He ended up, pointing out the stone that marks where the star Sirius sets, which the ancient Egyptians used to mark the flooding of the Nile.

an older man wearing a hat in front of sun-aligned standing stones watching the sun rise on the winter solstice.

As he finished, the sun began to peek above the horizon. I took a few more pictures, chatted with a few people I knew, and then took my leave. It was a great start to the winter solstice, when the sun finally begins it slow passage back to the north.

old jelly jar

As I reflect on my year of writing in 2025, it was a somewhat discouraging year. I did quite a bit of fiction writing, but almost none of it got published. I wrote 26,000 words of short fiction and did 20 submissions. Zip.

I also worked on longer fiction. I finished the 19,000 word manuscript for Ecorozire! the third novella sequel of Revin’s Heart. It’s not clear when they might ever see the light of day. I also finished a 43,000 word rough draft of my new novel The Ground Never Lies. It still needs a lot of work and fleshing out, but I haven’t managed to get to revising it.

The high point was that my first novel, A Familiar Problem finally came out. I wrote it in 2022 and it was rejected five times before being accepted for publication. I signed the contract in 2024 and the original scheduled publication date was December 2024. But it was delayed, first until January and then June. And it finally came out December 10, 2025. I had planned to use 2025 to promote it and scheduled myself to appear in conventions. But, over and over again, I was going without the new book to promote. This was rather discouraging.

I also had the discouraging interaction at Worldcon that left a rather bad taste in my mouth. I ended up having to interact with the other author again at LOSCon. If I hadn’t already made the arrangements to travel to Los Angeles, I probably would have canceled going. We got through it, but it really raised the tension — at least for me. I otherwise had a good time. I had many other positive interactions and, uncharacteristically for me, I managed to meet a lot of new people. And it was fun to unbox A Familiar Problem. Having a new book come out counts for a lot.

So, not everything this year was discouraging.

I did write a lot of blog posts — more than 80. Most are about stuff I was doing. A few were about news or writing. I wrote an Awards Eligibility post. OK. That was a little discouraging.

I also wrote an article about bookselling for SFWA Planetside that is scheduled to appear in January. I have a companion blog post that I will release at the same time.

I was re-elected to a full term as Secretary of SFWA. The difference between service last year and this year is striking. When I joined the Board, SFWA had lost essentially all of its leadership and staff. With fresh leadership, we hired new staff who hit the ground running and really engineered a transformation. The Board has been able to return to developing strategy. Whereas, last year was all frenetic activity, this year has been more relaxed. That’s not to say there haven’t been moments of controversy and high drama (like yesterday). But, no matter how bad it’s been, it’s been better than last year.

My service to the Straw Dog Writers Guild continues. I run Straw Dog Writes and serve on the program committee. I ran the online meetup nearly every week for the second — going on third — year. The regular group is small, but lively, with a mix of less frequent participants. On behalf of the program committee, I invited and hosted several talks during the year. I also served on a committee to review candidates to potentially update the website. I was excited and encouraged to draft the recommendation that was taken to the Board but, unfortunately, nothing ever came of it. Maybe that was another discouraging thing.

Wandering Shop Stories is an ongoing pleasure. We have 168 followers on Mastodon and 69 on Bluesky. Asakiyume frequently boosts and offers thoughtful comments on contributions. We’ve held genuinely enjoyable quarterly meetings aligned with the major solar events (solstices and equinoxen). And we’ve brought on one or two new curators. I write to the prompt most days, although occasionally I use snippets of works-in-progress or even bits of published works. It’s a great creative warm-up exercise in the morning. And reading the contributions by other authors and interacting with the small community that has sprung up around the project is always a treat.

I also participate in a number of other writing prompts on Mastodon and Bluesky, including #WritersCoffeeClub, #WordWeavers, #PennedPossibilities, #ScribesAndMakers, #Writephant, #LesFicFri, #WIPSnips, and probably others. The community of writers on Mastodon is particularly strong and supportive.

The year was also the middle half of my phased retirement. It’s weird to think I’ll teach Writing in Biology just once more this spring. I’ve been teaching this particular class since 2002 and am ready to be done. It’s been hard to keep it fresh and, honestly, seeing the end of the road ahead, I haven’t tried very hard. I realized recently that, when I fully retire in August, I will have spent 30 years — basically half my life — employed by the University. That seems like something that calls for further reflection — and should probably be the subject of its own post.

distorted image of girl's face

Jennifer Weiner, writing for the New York Times, describes a glaring omission in the coverage of the Epstein files. Her point is that most of the coverage has little or nothing about the victims.

[…] we’ve heard endless details about the predators and the men in their social circle, we have heard far too little about — and from — the victims.

There’s another omission, however, that I haven’t seen anyone talk about, which is the economic inequality that leaves women vulnerable to becoming victims of sex trafficking. Why is no-one talking about that?

The young women who get roped into sex trafficking do so largely for prosaic reasons: usually money. The 17-year-old girl who had sex with Matt Gaetz did so for money to pay for orthodontic work. If we had an effective social safety net and universal health care, young women would not be nearly at the risk for falling victim to these kinds of nefarious schemes.

Make no mistake: the wealthy pursue the policies they do in part in order to have a large population of vulnerable people that can be exploited. It makes no sense to pursue justice against particular perpetrators without pursuing the larger goal of fixing the conditions that lead people to become victimized.

Unfortunately, that’s not a story that the media, which is mostly owned by the same wealthy people, is ever likely to report.

rosary

People crave and need attachment. Increasingly people are turning to AI rather than people. One company had created a pre-AI chatbot with scripted responses that was highly effective at fostering engagement. But when they saw how people used it, they began to have serious reservations.

Not only did people crave A.I. intimacy, but the most engaged chatters were using Kuki to enact their every fantasy. At first, this was fodder for wry musings at the office. […] Soon, however, we were seeing users return daily to re-enact variations of multihour rape and murder scenarios.

I realized as I read this that my fiction writing is similarly very much about enacting my fantasies — or, at least, fixing them in tangible form — though perhaps not every single one.

When I was young, I would lose myself in fantasies every night before going to sleep. And at any time during the day, might find myself woolgathering, imagining all sorts of fantastic things.

I fantasized about all sorts of stuff. Some fantasies were pretty ordinary: I remember at point having fantasies about building a large enough model airplane that I could fly in it. But a lot of fantasies were pretty weird and highly sexualized. I started having these sexualized fantasies at a very young age: 6 or 7 or 8. These were a staple of my life throughout my youth.

When I was a doctoral student, I suddenly lost my ability to fantasize. I realized eventually it was because I was confronted with a problem I didn’t know how to resolve. My dissertation was like a mountain range. I spent a year going back and forth in front of the mountain range, looking for a pass through the mountains. Eventually, I realized there was no pass, and so I started climbing up one mountain and then the next and then another. In the middle, I couldn’t see any end: there were mountains in every direction as far as I could see.

During this time. I was caught on the horns of a dilemma: I couldn’t engage in a fantasy that didn’t involve either having finished my dissertation — and I didn’t know how that could happen — or having given up. And I wasn’t going to do that! So I was stuck. It was horrible and I remember worrying at the time that the effect would be permanent.

Eventually, years after I finished, I gradually began to be able to fantasize again.

During the pandemic, I found myself constantly tormented by negative thoughts. I called it the Hamster Wheel of Doom: one negative thought led to another and another and eventually back to the first. I rediscovered finding refuge in fantasies. And I began writing fiction primarily as a way to fix one part of the fantasy so I could move onto the next part.

As I read that article, however, I began to wonder how different my indulging in my fantasies to write is different from using one of these chatbots. Like them, I’m just playing with my ideas. The only difference is that I play all the parts myself, rather than having some kind of assistive support. But is it really all that different? I dunno.

Minimally, I’m not sharing my fantasies with some faceless corporation. I’m sharing them with the public. And on my own terms. So there’s that.

And maybe not every one of my fantasies.

When I finished my doctorate a national trend had just begun to gradually begin replacing tenure-track faculty with non-tenure-track (NTT) lecturers. In 1996, I applied for several tenure-track positions, but was offered and accepted an NTT appointment as the Director of the Biology Computer Resource Center at UMass Amherst.

At the time, NTT faculty were a tiny fraction of the faculty. They were kind of an oddity and tended to be short-term appointments — often for sabbatical replacement. Every year that followed, however, the proportion increased. And more and more of the NTT faculty were long-term employees. Now about more than 30% of faculty are NTT, they do 75% of the teaching, and they make a bit more than half as much money.

I was on the front-lines of trying to improve the treatment for NTT faculty. (My efforts were recognized earlier this year with a Delphi Award.) When I arrived there were no promotional or professional development opportunities for NTT faculty. Now we have two (and soon to be three) promotional levels and a professional improvement fellowship, which gives NTT faculty a semester of release to work on a significant academic project.

The perception of NTT faculty has also improved. For many years, tenure-system faculty and administrators tended to view NTT faculty as not REAL faculty. They would say things like “Our faculty and lecturers…” as if lecturers were not faculty. Many tenure-system faculty fundamentally believed that to accept an NTT position was to have failed at life.

Over the years, I spent a lot of time thinking about what the actual difference was between tenure-system and NTT faculty. Eventually, I put it like this: Tenure-system faculty are fundamentally investing in themselves, developing an independent national/international reputation in their field, which belongs to them and which is portable. NTT faculty, instead, commit to working to make their host institution as good as it can be.

During the transition from tenure-system to NTT faculty, some units at the university didn’t really get the distinction. In one college, they hired some tenure-system and NTT faculty with identical job descriptions. After several years of wrangling with the union, they offered those faculty the option to go up for tenure. One of my colleagues encouraged me to pursue tenure, but I declined. I had chosen not to invest my effort trying to develop an independent reputation in my field: my goal had been to run my facility and to serve my faculty and students as well as I could. I had no confidence that my faculty would consider that work worthy of tenure.

Now, as I transition to retirement, I have increasingly turned my attention to authorship, publishing short fiction and a number of books. For that, developing an independent national/international reputation is important. The irony that, at the end of my academic life, I’m starting over with what I shunned for my whole professional career is not lost on me. But it’s been fun and interesting to do something new.

key

At WriteAngles, I met a science fiction author who is a newcomer to the Pioneer Valley. He asked if I was aware of any local meetups related to science fiction authorship and if I knew anything about SFWA. Below is my reply, slightly edited.

Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any good, local meetups specifically around science fiction, in spite of the number of authors that are here, with one exception: James Cambias (copied on this message) has an email list by which he occasionally organizes informal get-togethers at local breweries, wineries, or cideries. Perhaps he would add you to the list.

James is also going to be offering a workshop on Worldbuilding for Straw Dog Writers Guild at the North Amherst Library Community Room on November 9: https://strawdogwriters.org/event/worldbuilding-101 This would also be a good opportunity to meet him. And if you know other people who might be interested, please let them know as well.

Note that I also run a writing group, Straw Dog Writes (SDW), that meets online Wednesdays at 7pm via Zoom. We do introductions and chat for 15 minutes then write for 45 minutes, and repeat until 9pm. There are a few of us who are doing science fiction, but we also get poets, essayists, memoirists, etc. Let me know if you’d like to attend and I’ll send you the link.

When I was at Readercon, I spoke with another author in Northampton who expressed interest in trying to organize a speculative fiction meetup for the Pioneer Valley, so I think there’s more interest if we want to try to set something up. We could certainly organize something — perhaps monthly. I could participate if it were online, but probably couldn’t if it was face-to-face, due to my health circumstances. But I’d be happy just to know it was happening and would be happy to help organize/facilitate, if that would be helpful.

Regarding SFWA, the next big thing is Quasar, which is going to be an online event on Nov 15-16. https://membership.sfwa.org/event-6301796 The preliminary program is up and it looks pretty good. SFWA runs a “Writing Date” on Sundays that is just like SDW, except more well attended. (It was what I modeled SDW on.) And there are a number of committees that offer various kinds of ongoing meetups and programming. https://events.sfwa.org/upcoming-events/

The best way to stay current with SFWA is to get added to the Discord server. Email discord@sfwa.org for more info.

As I was writing this, I realized I was rather plugged into what’s going on in the SFF world — It’s like I’m some kind of socialist butterfly. Who would have thought!

a small wooden box

I don’t generally pay much attention to birthdays. But this year, my friends and family got together and made my birthday very special. It’s wonderful to have supportive family and friends.

The last time I had a special birthday was a dozen years ago when my friend Buzz Hoagland offered to throw me a party for my 50th birthday. He brewed some special beer to toast me and we invited all of my friends, family, and colleagues to come to his house for a party on the lawn. It was wonderful and I still have fond recollections many years later. In the interim, Buzz passed away and my life is much smaller and poorer for his passing.

Buzz was, in many ways, the center of my social life. He was outgoing and gregarious — and maintained a large circle of friends that I felt lucky to be a part of. He was always the one to send out messages to bring everyone together for a party or a dinner or a trip to the brewery. After he passed away, I tried to step into his shoes and set up a signal group to stay in touch with friends.

I called my group the Manly Men. This is a joke because we are probably among the least manly men in existence. We regularly share supportive messages and funny links and organize, occasionally, to get together to hang out and drink beer.

One of us, the Z-Man, is going through a rough time right now and, by coincidence, messaged me the night before my birthday to talk about getting together. (See left…)

He did message the Manly Men and they all agreed to stop by to wish me a happy birthday. The Z-Man came first and we sat out in the tent to chat with my brother, his wife, and my mom. The Ol’ Sprackler came by while the Z-Man was still there and we chatted some more. Then, after the Z-Man left, Bug Rodger called me on the phone and we put him on speaker and chatted for a bit. Daniel came out after a while and joined us. Finally, after the Sprackler left, we went to the Berkshire Brewery for pizza and beer, and then the Sifaka stopped by to chat for an hour or more

It was wonderful to spend pretty much the whole day visiting with friends and family. By the end of the day, I was exhausted. Since the pandemic, I hardly ever see people. I generally stay isolated to avoid exposure to respiratory viruses and, except for when people come to hang out in the tent, I don’t much socialize. But I really value having friends, which have always been an important part of my life.

One of my colleagues at UMass once joked, “I used to have these things called friends…” when talking about the isolation of being a faculty member. Faculty, because they evaluate one another, have a tendency to be unwilling to show weakness or vulnerability. As a faculty member, you feel a lot of pressure to present a carefully curated perspective on your life to other faculty. You can talk about the grants you’re applying for. Or how much work your teaching is and how it takes away from your research. But sometimes, years and years after having met a colleague, you discover that they play a musical instrument in a band. Or do oil painting or watercolors. They don’t share these facets of their lives with their colleagues because they don’t want to be perceived as having “free time” that they’re not dedicating to their research. It’s very sad.

I had a great birthday — one that I will remember for the rest of my days.